Day #15: Um, digging really deep for joy today.

Oh man.  Monday night I went to bed feeling like mortality was stacked a little bit against me:  low blood sugar, new infusion site, menstrual cramps, and kind of an overall feeling of unfocused anxiety.  I went to bed trying to be positive: 

"It's okay, Em. It could be worse.  You could be sick on top of all of this." 

Well, at 1:00 in the morning after tossing and turning with nausea and not really knowing what was going on, I finally realized that I had gotten food poisoning, and my body proceeded to command all possible systems to do their duty to expel the food.  Blech.  It was a long, practically sleepness night.  I was very grateful for scope, clorox wipes, and comet. And how did people ever do this without running water?!?!

All day I was in a state of comatose physical exhaustion and mortal overload.  I crawled around saying to myself, "I was glad to get to have a body. I was excited to get to have these experiences..." and the realistic, somewhat cynnical half of my psyche was saying, "yeah, you had no idea what you were getting into, did you now?" 

So, I think today was one of those days that is not necessarily brimming with joy, but is part of the life equation that helps you recognize joy, because you have to feel its opposite. 

But, I did find joy in a great movie called Akeelah and the Bee.  I was a total spelling bee nerd in middle school and this was a great show about a black girl who beats the odds and makes it to the national bee--and in the process strengthens all the important relationships in her life by what she learns about herself.  My boys miraculously sat and watched with me and it was nice to have a good show and two cuddly kiddos to divert my mind from all the awfulness of the last 24 hours. 
After the movie was over (and it was fairly late)  Ethan said, "Mom, get me some cereal, and get me to bed!"

I do love those boys.  It's a little harder to remember that when you don't feel good, but I do.