When joy comes out your eyes.

Okay, confession.

I cry in the car when I listen to music.  I do.
Sometimes I cry because the song is sad.
Sometimes I cry because the song is so beautiful.
Sometimes I cry because the song is so AWESOME.

Basically, when I hear truth, it resonates with my soul, and it comes out my eyes.  :)

Today, I cried while listening to "100 Sing-Along Songs for Kids." 

Yep, true story.  But don't worry, it wasn't "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," or "BINGO," it was a jazzy little Christian song called "I Shall Not Be Moved."

Rockin' out a little, and watching my boys in the rearview mirror, as they focused rather intently on learning the words and being able to sing them just right, it hit me:

"What if they really could learn this?  This is what I want for them.  And they're singing it right now!!"

When my burden's heavy, I shall not be moved.  When my burden's heavy I shall not be moved...
If my friends forsake me, I shall not be moved.  When my friends forsake me I shall not be moved...
Just like the tree planted by the water, I shall not be moved.

I thought, "Yeah, I wanna be like that tree planted by the water!  And I want my boys to be like it too!  And man, what would the world be like if every one of us decided to ground ourselves in truth and not be moved, no matter what?!"

And those thoughts, combined with the rearview mirror snapshot of little legs and heads bopping, well it tugged at my heart and the whole thing came out my eyes.  And I felt joy.   :)


Here's a link to the sample of the song if you want to hear it...
Let me know if it makes you cry. Ha ha.

Look Up.

Well, I've thought a lot over the past few years about who I am as a person, who I am as a songwriter, who I am as a singer, why I've undertaken this whole musical adventure, and what I really hope to be able to say to the world through my music.

I'm still formulating this, but I think I might have a mantra for life--for how to find God, and thus find JOY.

LOOK UP.

Someday this will turn into a song, but here's my preliminary brainstorm about it:
  
When God gives me sunsets, friends, ideas, innocent little eyes, or quiet moments, I can look up to Him and say "thanks."  I'm so much happier when I'm grateful!

When things go wrong, when I'm confused, when I'm scared, when there are too many voices and I can't figure out which one is right... I can spin myself into a frenzy looking around, or I can just look up, and ask Him for peace.  

When I look down too much, at myself and at my own problems, I feel grumpy and ugly and friendless and inadequate.  When I look up, God helps me look around and see people all over the place who could use a smile or a hug or a kind word.  I feel happier when I look up.

When we overvalue earthly things--power, fame, material possessions, etc. it makes us look down and lose focus on what really matters and what will really bring us joy.  Looking down on fleeting, earthly things, fill us with darkness.  But if we look up, focus on things that last forever, and keep our eye single to His glory, we will be" filled with LIGHT."

It's easy to look around, and play the comparison game.  I feel yucky and prideful if I label myself as "more organized" or "more healthy" than so and so, and I feel insecure and defensive if I label someone else as "prettier" or "smarter" than I am, so it's pretty much a losing battle either way.   Don't look around to find your worth.  Look up. Zion is where everyone looks up to God and tries to be like HIM, instead of everyone looking around and somehow grading their eternal progress on a curve.

I think looking up means learning to see God in the details of our lives.  Seeing a brand new flower.  Hearing a child giggle.  Dealing with a whiny 4 year-old and understanding that I have acted this way toward God so many times.  Every little experience can teach us something new about God if we just look up.


Regret looks back.  Worry looks around.  Faith looks up. 

Like I said, preliminary thoughts.  But I'm going to keep pondering this. 

What do you think it means to Look Up?

New Year De-Cluttering and Moses 1:35

Happy New Year!


We cracked down today and combed out over 6 garbage bags worth of stuff to take to Good Will. It feels great to simplify and just get rid of things sometimes, doesn't it? We will be moving once Kyle finishes dental school in May, so we decided to get ruthless about throwing things away. "If it's not worth storing it now, finding a box for it in a few months, filling that box, getting that box on a truck, hauling that box across the country, getting that box off the truck, unloading that box, and finding a new place for that item--then let's get rid of it now."



I am amazed at how much stuff you can accumulate in a lifetime! You think, "where did all this stuff even COME from?!" Yet, I can choose any item out of millions in my house and I can tell you why we have it and how we got it.

1. Little black socks: My son and I both got tired of trying to inch on his tight Sunday socks, so we bought some slippery dressy ones. He can get them on all by himself! I planned the purchase, went to the store, put them in my cart, paid for them, got them home, took off the tag, washed them, and found a place to keep them.

2. Fondue Pot: Lovely Christmas present from my husband. Came with a recipe book and 8 fondue forks. Filled it on New Year's Eve with a fabulous cheese fondue. (What do you get when you combine 2 incredibly nasty smelling cheeses with one normal cheese, some cornstarch, and some white grape juice? A delicious dip for bread and veggies!)

3. Old, broken laptop: Got as a high school graduation present from my parents. Used it through college, and it has been sitting in my closet for 3 years since it crashed. (Learned today that a friend can take it to his work and wipe the hard drive for us so we don't have to worry about a hacker getting it out of the dumpster and stealing our identity)

And of course, the list goes on forever. I have shirts, shoes, toys, appliances, books, jewelry, cleaning supplies, etc. And I can tell you exactly how and why (well usually) I have it in my house.


So, what does that have to do with Moses 1:35? Well, I was reading tonight about Moses and how God shows him "the world..and all the children of men which are, and which were created." I can't even fathom how many people that is. I can't even get my head around how many people live in one city, no less an entire country, a whole world, and then all that were and will ever be born. How can God know me personally if there are more than billions of others? How can He care about me, and be involved in the details of my life, when I am one grain of sand on the beach?

That's why I love verse 35: "And there are many [worlds] that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

They are mine, and I know them. I understand that! I have innumerable amounts of stuff even just in my house, but all the things I have are mine, and I know them. I know the purpose of each item, and I took great care to purchase it for a unique reason so it could enrich our lives, help us accomplish things, and bring us joy. My son could never keep track of everything in our home and know where it goes and how much it costs or understand why we have it or what it's used for. (He can barely keep track of his 15 ninja turtle action figures!) So as I multiplied that all out,in the equation where I'm the little kid and God is the parent, I started to grasp a little bit more fully how it could be possible for God's creations to be innumerable to man, but for him to say, "all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

That was a neat thought for me. And the coolest part about it is that we're not just socks, or fondue pots, or old computers to the Lord. Each of us is his CHILD. We're not just a rusty old knick knack in a storage bin somewhere in his closet. We are his CHILDREN!
So many things come into clearer focus when we remember that. Of course I know my sons' names. Of course I know what that they need. Of course I know how they learn the best, and I care what they struggle with, and how to help them. And of course I don't do everything for them just because I can, because I want them to learn how to do it for themselves.
So that means that my Heavenly Father knows me by name, He knows what I need, He knows how I learn the best, He knows what I struggle with, and He is constantly devising creative ways to help me learn new things. So I can learn how to be like Him.

"All things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

He knows me. He knows you too. :)

The Best Kind of Love: My Take on Agape

The Best Kind of Love

It’s hearing with your heart, and seeing with your ears
It’s erasing, instead of keeping score
It’s letting go of “me,” and trading it for “us”
It’s giving everything you have, and then somehow giving MORE…
And it's harder than you ever thought it would be
And it’s better than you ever knew it could be

And that’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love
That’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love

It’s doing little things, over and over and again
It’s choosing to not have other plans
It’s saying what you mean, and meaning what you said,
It’s knowing all of us could use a second or third chance
And it's harder than you ever thought it would be
And it’s better than you ever knew it could be

And that’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love
That’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love

That’s the truth about the best kind of love.
-Em 1/22/09




Have you ever felt like the English language needed more words for "love?" Love has so many different levels and meanings that how can you possibly describe love for your neighbor, love for your dog, love for fruit smoothies, and love for your spouse all with the same word?

The Greek language actually distinguishes between different kinds of love, by using different words.

In a nutshell,
1. "Eros" is what we might call infatuation or attraction, and its existence depends on how you feel at the moment.
2. "Philia" (like Philadelphia, city of brotherly love) is the word for love of friendship, best friends, or fellowship of people you enjoy being around.
3. "Agape" (pronounced uh-GAH-pay) is the highest form of love--a selfless, proactive love, focused totally on the well-being of another. This kind of love is based on commitment, not just on how you happen to feel at the time. Agape means you choose to love, no matter how you are being treated and regardless of whether you are experiencing exciting feelings of "Eros" in that particular moment.

These different kinds of love are not separate from each other--in fact, a successful marriage is rooted in agape, which allows both Philia and Eros to thrive. Interesting to think about.

For more info on all this try these:
A Short Handbook on Love
(A very succinct description of all three kinds)
The Four Loves
(A Summary of C.S. Lewis's book, The Four Loves)
Agape
(A Wikipedia article about just agape)


So which word do you think was used in the Greek version of the Bible when Jesus taught us to love one another?
Eros? Um, no.
Philia? Huh-uh.
Agape!

Now let these scriptures take on a new dimension as you extend the meaning of the broad word "love" to mean "agape."

Matthew 22:37-40: "'Thou shalt love (agape) the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love (agape) thy neighbor as thyself."
(Everything about the gospel hangs on this, on agape!)

John 13:35: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love (agape!) one to another.
(I think this is so much bigger than just being nice to other people...the mark of a disciple isn't Eros, and it's not Philia...it's a deeper, more selfless, more solid kind of love.)

John 3:16: "God so loved (agape!) the world that He gave His only Begotten Son..."
(The ultimate example of sacrfice. The very highest form of love)

John 14:15: "If ye love (agape) me, keep my commandments."
(Keeping the commandments requires us to commit, ahead of time, to obey. Even if we don't think we want to in the moment, we keep our promise to obey because we love Him in an agape way)

Ephesians 5:29: Husbands, love (agape) your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."
(This level of sacrifice and selflessness is a different KIND of love than what we usually see in movies, isn't it?)


So why doesn't English have an agape word? Well, we kind of do. Think Paul, think Moroni...

That's right...Charity!

Moroni 7:45: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, hopeth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things."

This is the essence of agape!

So, this song is called "The Best Kind of Love."
I guess it could also be called:
"Em's Rewording of Moroni 7:45"
or "What Em thinks agape really means"


Now that you know this, go listen to it again!
(Or download it now on itunes or Amazon)



And, here are a few other thoughts that contributed to the writing of this song:

I read Bruce Hafen's book called "Covenant Hearts" a few years ago and it changed my life. So many incredible insights. Here are a few of my favorite passages:

"There is a deep connection between the hard things of life and the best things of life."

"A shallow desire for comfort deprives people of paying the price to feel true JOY...
Joy is a higher, wiser, existence than merely being comfortable."

"The raising of children brings each of us breathtaking vistas of our own inadequacy."

He explores the question of whether our covenants (specifically to spouse and children) are a burden or a privilege and ultimately answers: YES. "The burden is the price we pay for the privilege of coming to know God."


Alright, then. I've done all the talking. Your turn! What do you think about all this agape stuff?

(this is where you post a comment and we pretend we're chatting in my living room...)

Sweet Dreams: A Shout Out To All My Co-Writers...

Sweet Dreams

Sitting on the counter, little eyes dreaming bright
“I’m gonna be on Broadway, Mom! You’ll see my name in lights!”
And she lifted me so high that of course I couldn’t see
Sometimes mothers have to give up dreams.

Kneeling by the bedside, middle of the night
This is hardly Broadway, and I’m running out of light
Then not harsh, and not loud, just whispering all through me
“Sometimes mothers have to give up dreams.”

Peering in the bedroom, little eyes fast asleep
But I’m the one who’s dreaming, just to watch them breathe
And lullabies by nightlight are the only songs I need
Sometimes mothers have the sweetest dreams.

Sometimes mothers have the sweetest dreams.
-Em (and Zach!) 6/27/08



It's hard to think of what I wouldn't give up for these guys...

















To really give appropriate credit to everyone involved in the writing of this song, I would have to mention at least 5 other people, so here goes:

-Thanks, Jenny Philips, for saying "Sometimes mothers have to give up dreams" in a panel in a songwriting workshop. That set it all in motion.
-Thanks, Holle McRae, for sitting by me in that workshop, looking at my scribbled, tear-stained notes of the concept, and sharing with me your thoughts about Broadway lights vs. nightlights.
-Thanks, Zach, (my awesome brother) for staying up half the night with me to stand by the piano and say, "Okay, just play what you have so far," and helping me package what I was trying to say, and brainstorming with me what it feels like when the spirit talks to you until we came up with "whispering all through me" and helping me condense my thoughts into a song form. I will remember that forever.
-Thanks, Jake, (my cute little then 1 year-old!) for waking up when I went into my mom's computer room at 4 am to type up the lyrics, and for letting me hold you and just savor being with you, until the missing line, "lullabies by nightlight are the only songs I need" settled into my heart.
-Thanks, Mom, for waking up the next morning in your pajamas (that said Sweet Dreams on them!) and listening to the almost finished version of the song, crying, and then helping me come to "she lifted me so high that of course I couldn't see."

Sometimes songwriters have the coolest friends. :)

The Change: Singing With a New Voice

The Change

How with all I’ve seen can I keep making these mistakes?
And why with all I know do things keep turning out the same?
Every time I fall I come so close to giving up
So I just keep on trying harder--but will it ever be enough?
I keep trying to believe that I’ll get there someday but sometimes I just don’t know
I want to sing the song of redeeming love but I’ve forgotten how it goes…

I wanna feel the change
I don’t want to want to want sin anymore
And at that day I wanna look to Him
With clean hands and a heart that is pure
I wanna feel the change
I wanna sing with a new voice
He’ll you open my eyes and give me new sight
Make the dark disappear as I awake to the light
His grace will replace all my wrongs with what’s right
And I’ll start to walk in the newness of life…
And feel the change.

So I finally see what all my weaknesses have shown,
That I’ll never ever make it if I try to do this on my own,
Now on my knees I come to you with all I am,
And I’m begging you to mold me with those firm but loving hands.
I let go of my pride, surrender my will and put all my trust in you
I place my heart at your feet and my life in your hands…will you make me someone new?

I wanna feel the change
I don’t want to want to want sin anymore
And at that day I wanna look to You
With clean hands and a heart that is pure
I wanna feel the change
I wanna sing with a new voice
Will you open my eyes and give me new sight
Make the dark disappear as I awake to the light
Will you replace all my wrongs with what’s right
So I can start to walk in the newness of life…?
And feel the change.

-Em 12/1/01



I studied music in college. I had an incredible private voice teacher/mentor/choir director who taught me as much about life as he did about music. During one particular voice lesson, he mentioned to me that "some people come to me and say, 'I want to take lessons and learn how to sing' but they don't really want to sing with a new voice. They don't really want to give up their old habits and trade them for a new voice. They may want to be better, but they don't really want to CHANGE."
That turned into a fruitful discussion of both vocal and spiritual significance, as we discussed the importance of surrendering ourselves to the Lord and allowing him to not just make us better, but to CHANGE us.

As I learned to sing with a new voice in college, it required daily persistence.
I kept a journal where I recorded how I practiced, things I wanted to get better at, things that I struggled with, ideas from my classes that might help me, and techniques that really worked for my voice.
My voice lesson each week was an important opportunity to talk about my progress with my teacher and let him teach me more.
I enjoyed listening to fellow classmates perform and getting feedback from them about my own singing.
Joining my voice with other singers in a choir helped me to solidify the things I was learning about breath support and artistic expression.

I realized, during my college experience, that the process of learning to sing with a new voice really is a lot like spiritually learning to "walk in the newness of life." (Romans 8:4). It is a process that requires daily persistence.
Keeping a journal of goals and struggles helps me see where I've been and where I want to be.
When I pray and read the scriptures I'm checking in with the Master Teacher, showing him how I've progressed, and asking Him to teach me more.
We're all classmates in the school of life, and we can help each other learn to "sing" as we relate our experiences from different teachers and different classes and share what we've learned.
And, I think that going to church edifies us spiritually in the same way singing in choir strengthens us musically--you join with other people you love, to offer up your hearts to God. You don't all have the same strengths, you don't "sing" exactly the same way, but when you combine together there is a synergy that brings everyone involved to a higher level. Sometimes when I sit in church, I picture God standing in front of us, spiritually conducting our hearts, beckoning us to all follow him together. The more we focus on Him, and learn the way he communicates to us, and unify together, the more beautiful music He can create, with us as the instruments in His hands. (or sometimes, we can totally miss the point and just wrestle wriggly children, not focus on Him at all, and sing our own, off-key spiritual solo. I've totally done that!)


Anyway.


I did write the lyrics to this song, but most of the concepts came from "verses" that I didn't write. Thank you to Nephi, Alma, and Paul, for their contributions to the words. :)


2 Nephi 4:27--"Why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?"

v. 31--"O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?"

v. 34--"O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever."



Alma 5:7--"Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. "

v. 9--"...and their souls did expand, and they did sing redeeming love..."

v. 19--" I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with pure heart and clean hands?"


Romans 8:4--"Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."


So what's YOUR metaphor for this mighty change?

Simmering Song Ideas...

Okay, so if this really were my real living room I would want to brainstorm with you about the song ideas I have right now and see if some profound thing you say ends up being the perfect line for a new song. Plus, you'll probably teach me something really cool if you share something.

I'm working on a song right now called "Jericho." The point of it is that there is ALWAYS a way to get through even the hardest things. Whether you get sent a trumpet and a pair of shoes, or a slingshot and a little rock, there will always be a way to get over walls and defeat your giants. So I want to know:
What are some of the incredible things God has sent to you to make an unexpected solution to your problem? In other words, what are some of your "slingshots?" When you've looked up at what seems to be an insurmountable, looming challenge, what ended up being the thing that nailed it between the eyes?


I'm working on another song called "Savoring" (or maybe "Savoring today," or something like that)
I would love to know:
What do you savor most in life? What do you miss most about a past time of your life that you don't have right now? What do you do to help yourself live in today and not have too much focus on the past or on the future?


Well, maybe a song will be born from something you say, or maybe we'll just have a neat little uplifting discussion here in virtual livingroomdom. Either way, thanks for sharing! Can't wait to read what you say!

Love Em