Time Out For Women Rocks.

Here are a few reasons I loved Time Out For Women this weekend!

1)  I woke up, got ready, was aware of the sunrise, and left the house at 7:00 am.  Quite out of the ordinary for me, and quite refreshing.

2)  I got to have great chats with great friends, with no interruptions!

3)  I got to put aside chores, meal preparations, and taking care of big needs of little people and just soak in messages of hope.  I left with a greater hope that Someone who is smarter than I am is ready to help me do the things He has asked me to do.

4)  I pondered the idea that Peter, when the Lord beckoned him to come walk on the water, may have expected to walk right out of the boat and directly to the Savior.  He may not have expected the whole thing to be so difficult. Sometimes I have false expectations too.  (Like I expected that maybe by now, 3 weeks before dental school graduation, we would have a job and a place to live.) The last few weeks I have felt a little storm-tossed.  I didn't realize that this little walk from the boat of dental school to the next stage of life would be so...windy and wavy.  But I don't need to be afraid.  I don't need to sink.  I need to beg Jesus to reach out his hand and catch me.  And trust Him, and come to Him.

5)  Kyle called me around lunch time, because Ethan was missing me.  Ethan had said,  "it's just not as fun when mom's not home."  During Ethan's turn on the phone, all I could hear was Jake in the background saying, "I wanna talk mama!  I wanna talk mama!"  And then he was feeding me little pieces of play dough through the phone and saying, "mmmmm, it's Doo lushy! [delicious]."  I told Ethan I was gone because they were teaching me how to be a good mom and that I would be home soon.  :)

6) I loved Chieko Okazaki's idea that no matter how tight our budget, we will always have an unlimited supply of smiles and prayers, and we should give them out freely.  She also said, "I have learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes.  After that, you better know something."  Hilarious.

7)  I had an epiphany about "give us this day, our daily bread."  I kind of like the Lord to give me about a month supply of whatever I'm sure I need, and show me how it's all going to work out, so that I can relax and know that things are taken care of. But if we really trust Him, and can rely on Him, we will be okay at times to just get our daily bread today, and then ask for it again tomorrow. Obviously planning for the future is great, but sometimes (i.e. for me RIGHT NOW) we need to put the future in HIS hands, and trust that He will take care of us each day as we ask, daily, for him to guide us.


8)  I got to tell Michael McLean thanks for writing "Hold On the Light Will Come."
 

My sister died when I was 14.  In the years that followed, there were a lot of dark times where I did a lot of holding on.  "Hold On The Light Will Come" was one of many songs that lifted me up and gave me peace as I navigated through high school and tried to put my life back together.  As I heard him play that song on Friday night, I was flooded with memories of times I had listened to it, crying so hard I couldn't breathe--trying to keep believing that the light would come, and keep believing that I could somehow hold on just a little bit longer, just a little bit harder.

"The message message of this moment is so clear, 
And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt, and fear, 
Just hold on, hold on, the light will come...
Anyone who's ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory's won
And those who've been in darkness for awhile 
Kneel much longer when the light has come."

As he sang, I realized that it had been true.  I held on, some days just because Mike told me to, and the light came.  It came here and there, little by little, day by day, year by year.  And now, as the open gaping wound has dissolved into a scar that is much, much, less painful, I feel like I have come through the darkness.  I feel like I do kneel much longer, much more deeply, than I ever would have learned how to otherwise.
I was overcome by the realization that I don't even really know Mike (well, my Dad was in the same boy scout troop as him for a few years, if that counts for anything...) and yet I feel like he is an old friend because of all the things his songs and I have been through together.    :)

So that was fun.  I had the thought this weekend,
"you know, I don't really know where all of my songwriting adventures will lead, and I don't really know how many people will ever even hear my songs.  But if I could touch even one person's life, through music--if I could give even one person the real hope, the promise that light will come at the end of their darkness--it would all be worth it." 


Okay, so 8 reasons that I loved Time Out For Women. That's kind of a random number, huh?  Not 5, not 10, just 8.  Well, I didn't really plan it out.  But 8 is just fine.  And now it's [past] time to sleep.

Why God loves for us to be parents.

It's so good for us to have children who don't obey us.  When it's my own kids, it of course frustrates me.  But when I watch other parents, it totally cracks me up.  And, honestly, I laugh a lot more with my second than I did with my first, because now I know that every other kid is acting the same way and I'm not a horrible parent if mine doesn't do everything I ask.


 I was at the Children's Musuem today (which, by the way, was so incredibly crowded for some reason that I'm not sure I even want to visit again before we move!  Claustrophobia!), and was watching so many parents beg their toddlers to stop splashing in the water, stop dumping sand on other kids, and I was of course whisking Jake (my two year-old) away from Emergency Exits and running at a full sprint to retrieve him after he escaped up the ramp and around the corner... 

I had the thought today, that God must smile so big when we become parents and try to get determined, strong-willed, short-sighted, squirmy kids to obey us and do the things we ask them to do.  We try every method we can think of to get them to do such obvious things, like hold our hand in the street and share toys with other kids and keep their hands out of the toilet.  It is so exasperating sometimes to be ignored and/or disobeyed by a teeny little kid who doesn't really have a clue about safety, sanitation, manners, or consequences, and yet insists on doing things his own way.

(no, this is not my kid)

What better way is there,  though,  for us to come to understand God's relationship with us?  He has a whole world full of such children--who have 1 billionth the perspective and understanding that He has of the purpose of our lives and the way to find joy, and yet we insist on disregarding his rules and doing things our own way because "we want to."   He has given us commandments and tried to teach us to hold His hand through life to stay safe, to keep our hands out of the toilets of sin, and to share our "toys" with each other so we can all be happy, but sometimes we are about as obedient as a toddler who has missed his nap. Ooooof. If you're not cringing, you must not have experienced this first hand. :)

I have loved the moments of motherhood where I think things like: 


"Okay, Ethan, I am making you a snack AS WE SPEAK.  Can you seriously not be patient for 5 minutes while I get it ready?  I know you are hungry.  I'm on it. Just calm down for a minute and wait."  

And then a whisper comes to my mind, that says, "You do this to me, you know.  I have so many blessings already in the works to give you, but sometimes you are so impatient and you whine and whine WHILE I am in the process of blessing you."

And then I smile, and say, "You're right.  How funny.  Well, I guess I know a little bit of how you feel now.  I'll try to be more patient. :) "


I watched a guy across the street the other day get left with 5 or 6 kids on the playground to look after while the mothers ran a quick errand. He said to them, "You guys have got 5 minutes.  And then I start sellin' kids."  He was kind of kidding. 


Is it bad that I was laughing at him under my breath the whole time the women were gone?  His sideways hat, and huge jean shorts, chattin' it up on his cell phone, while the kids ran wild and ignored every command he gave them.  Eventually he was running after kids in the street, yelling down the block for the bikes to come back the other way, and having to apologize to another mom for one of the kids pushing her daughter off a ledge on the playground.  I had a feeling that this guy hadn't spent much of his life with a real habit of obeying what God has commanded us to do, and so it was just so funny to me  to watch him flail around and try to get these kids to obey him.  And don't get the wrong idea, because I laugh at myself too.  :)   I think it's so good for  us to be humbled to the dust by trying to find a way to teach kids how to be safe and happy and kind--to love them more than anything in the world, so we keep trying and trying and trying to get them to understand...and to know that we see so much more than they do, and that even little mistakes can sometimes have huge consequences, and yet they still don't always trust us!

And all the while God looks down on us, with love, and maybe also a sly grin, and says, "It's tough, isn't it?"

Well, I love my kids.  And I really love it when they trust me and obey. And when we all feel joy together.

Hmmmm, makes me want to go try my very bestest to keep the commandments.