Time Out For Women Rocks.

Here are a few reasons I loved Time Out For Women this weekend!

1)  I woke up, got ready, was aware of the sunrise, and left the house at 7:00 am.  Quite out of the ordinary for me, and quite refreshing.

2)  I got to have great chats with great friends, with no interruptions!

3)  I got to put aside chores, meal preparations, and taking care of big needs of little people and just soak in messages of hope.  I left with a greater hope that Someone who is smarter than I am is ready to help me do the things He has asked me to do.

4)  I pondered the idea that Peter, when the Lord beckoned him to come walk on the water, may have expected to walk right out of the boat and directly to the Savior.  He may not have expected the whole thing to be so difficult. Sometimes I have false expectations too.  (Like I expected that maybe by now, 3 weeks before dental school graduation, we would have a job and a place to live.) The last few weeks I have felt a little storm-tossed.  I didn't realize that this little walk from the boat of dental school to the next stage of life would be so...windy and wavy.  But I don't need to be afraid.  I don't need to sink.  I need to beg Jesus to reach out his hand and catch me.  And trust Him, and come to Him.

5)  Kyle called me around lunch time, because Ethan was missing me.  Ethan had said,  "it's just not as fun when mom's not home."  During Ethan's turn on the phone, all I could hear was Jake in the background saying, "I wanna talk mama!  I wanna talk mama!"  And then he was feeding me little pieces of play dough through the phone and saying, "mmmmm, it's Doo lushy! [delicious]."  I told Ethan I was gone because they were teaching me how to be a good mom and that I would be home soon.  :)

6) I loved Chieko Okazaki's idea that no matter how tight our budget, we will always have an unlimited supply of smiles and prayers, and we should give them out freely.  She also said, "I have learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes.  After that, you better know something."  Hilarious.

7)  I had an epiphany about "give us this day, our daily bread."  I kind of like the Lord to give me about a month supply of whatever I'm sure I need, and show me how it's all going to work out, so that I can relax and know that things are taken care of. But if we really trust Him, and can rely on Him, we will be okay at times to just get our daily bread today, and then ask for it again tomorrow. Obviously planning for the future is great, but sometimes (i.e. for me RIGHT NOW) we need to put the future in HIS hands, and trust that He will take care of us each day as we ask, daily, for him to guide us.


8)  I got to tell Michael McLean thanks for writing "Hold On the Light Will Come."
 

My sister died when I was 14.  In the years that followed, there were a lot of dark times where I did a lot of holding on.  "Hold On The Light Will Come" was one of many songs that lifted me up and gave me peace as I navigated through high school and tried to put my life back together.  As I heard him play that song on Friday night, I was flooded with memories of times I had listened to it, crying so hard I couldn't breathe--trying to keep believing that the light would come, and keep believing that I could somehow hold on just a little bit longer, just a little bit harder.

"The message message of this moment is so clear, 
And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt, and fear, 
Just hold on, hold on, the light will come...
Anyone who's ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory's won
And those who've been in darkness for awhile 
Kneel much longer when the light has come."

As he sang, I realized that it had been true.  I held on, some days just because Mike told me to, and the light came.  It came here and there, little by little, day by day, year by year.  And now, as the open gaping wound has dissolved into a scar that is much, much, less painful, I feel like I have come through the darkness.  I feel like I do kneel much longer, much more deeply, than I ever would have learned how to otherwise.
I was overcome by the realization that I don't even really know Mike (well, my Dad was in the same boy scout troop as him for a few years, if that counts for anything...) and yet I feel like he is an old friend because of all the things his songs and I have been through together.    :)

So that was fun.  I had the thought this weekend,
"you know, I don't really know where all of my songwriting adventures will lead, and I don't really know how many people will ever even hear my songs.  But if I could touch even one person's life, through music--if I could give even one person the real hope, the promise that light will come at the end of their darkness--it would all be worth it." 


Okay, so 8 reasons that I loved Time Out For Women. That's kind of a random number, huh?  Not 5, not 10, just 8.  Well, I didn't really plan it out.  But 8 is just fine.  And now it's [past] time to sleep.

Why God loves for us to be parents.

It's so good for us to have children who don't obey us.  When it's my own kids, it of course frustrates me.  But when I watch other parents, it totally cracks me up.  And, honestly, I laugh a lot more with my second than I did with my first, because now I know that every other kid is acting the same way and I'm not a horrible parent if mine doesn't do everything I ask.


 I was at the Children's Musuem today (which, by the way, was so incredibly crowded for some reason that I'm not sure I even want to visit again before we move!  Claustrophobia!), and was watching so many parents beg their toddlers to stop splashing in the water, stop dumping sand on other kids, and I was of course whisking Jake (my two year-old) away from Emergency Exits and running at a full sprint to retrieve him after he escaped up the ramp and around the corner... 

I had the thought today, that God must smile so big when we become parents and try to get determined, strong-willed, short-sighted, squirmy kids to obey us and do the things we ask them to do.  We try every method we can think of to get them to do such obvious things, like hold our hand in the street and share toys with other kids and keep their hands out of the toilet.  It is so exasperating sometimes to be ignored and/or disobeyed by a teeny little kid who doesn't really have a clue about safety, sanitation, manners, or consequences, and yet insists on doing things his own way.

(no, this is not my kid)

What better way is there,  though,  for us to come to understand God's relationship with us?  He has a whole world full of such children--who have 1 billionth the perspective and understanding that He has of the purpose of our lives and the way to find joy, and yet we insist on disregarding his rules and doing things our own way because "we want to."   He has given us commandments and tried to teach us to hold His hand through life to stay safe, to keep our hands out of the toilets of sin, and to share our "toys" with each other so we can all be happy, but sometimes we are about as obedient as a toddler who has missed his nap. Ooooof. If you're not cringing, you must not have experienced this first hand. :)

I have loved the moments of motherhood where I think things like: 


"Okay, Ethan, I am making you a snack AS WE SPEAK.  Can you seriously not be patient for 5 minutes while I get it ready?  I know you are hungry.  I'm on it. Just calm down for a minute and wait."  

And then a whisper comes to my mind, that says, "You do this to me, you know.  I have so many blessings already in the works to give you, but sometimes you are so impatient and you whine and whine WHILE I am in the process of blessing you."

And then I smile, and say, "You're right.  How funny.  Well, I guess I know a little bit of how you feel now.  I'll try to be more patient. :) "


I watched a guy across the street the other day get left with 5 or 6 kids on the playground to look after while the mothers ran a quick errand. He said to them, "You guys have got 5 minutes.  And then I start sellin' kids."  He was kind of kidding. 


Is it bad that I was laughing at him under my breath the whole time the women were gone?  His sideways hat, and huge jean shorts, chattin' it up on his cell phone, while the kids ran wild and ignored every command he gave them.  Eventually he was running after kids in the street, yelling down the block for the bikes to come back the other way, and having to apologize to another mom for one of the kids pushing her daughter off a ledge on the playground.  I had a feeling that this guy hadn't spent much of his life with a real habit of obeying what God has commanded us to do, and so it was just so funny to me  to watch him flail around and try to get these kids to obey him.  And don't get the wrong idea, because I laugh at myself too.  :)   I think it's so good for  us to be humbled to the dust by trying to find a way to teach kids how to be safe and happy and kind--to love them more than anything in the world, so we keep trying and trying and trying to get them to understand...and to know that we see so much more than they do, and that even little mistakes can sometimes have huge consequences, and yet they still don't always trust us!

And all the while God looks down on us, with love, and maybe also a sly grin, and says, "It's tough, isn't it?"

Well, I love my kids.  And I really love it when they trust me and obey. And when we all feel joy together.

Hmmmm, makes me want to go try my very bestest to keep the commandments.

A Mother's Beatitudes.

I love this. I love that my Mom has been in town visiting this week, and that she is this kind of mother. I love that my Grandma is the one who printed this out for me years ago, and that she is this kind of mother. I love my boys and hope I can be this kind of mother too.

A Mother's Beatitudes
by Leonora Zearfoss

Blessed is the mother who understands her child, for she shall inherit a kingdom of memories.
Blessed is the mother who knows how to comfort, for she shall possess a child's devotion.
Blessed is the mother who guides by the path of righteousness, for she shall be proud of her offspring.
Blessed is the mother who is never shocked, for she shall receive confidences.
Blessed is the mother who teaches respect, for she shall be respected.
Blessed is the mother who emphasizes the good and minimizes the bad, for in like manner the child himself shall make evaluations. 
Blessed is the mother who treats her child as she would be treated, for her home shall be filled with happiness.
Blessed is the mother who answers simply the startling questions, for she shall always be trusted.
Blessed is the mother who has character strong enough to withstand the thoughtless remarks and resentments of the growing child, for, in due time, she shall be honored.


Very true.
So, I think I'm going to try extra hard  this week or even this month to emphasize the good and minimize the bad, all around me.  And to comfort.  Really comfort my children and other people when they need a boost.

And let's talk more about what it means to be "blessed."  Thoughts?  I'll tell you mine soon...

Alleluia.

Did you know...
The Hebrew word Halleluyah as an expression of praise to God was preserved, untranslated, by the early Christians as a superlative expression of thanksgiving, joy, and triumph.

Alleluia is the Greek version.

At the most literal, Alleluia means "All hail to Him Who is."  (Wikipedia)

It is mind boggling to think how many choral pieces have been written using only this word.  Why so many?  Well, how can you possibly capture in words, how many different ways there are to feel thanskgiving, joy, and triumph?  There are an infinite amount of Alleluia flavors and colors. Some are reflective, some are majestic, some are etherial, some are buoyant...  And yet each one is an expression of praise to our God. 

I got to lead a sectional last night for a choir rehearsal on an "Alleluia" we're preparing for a musical presentation about finding strength in Christ  (on April 11th).  As were were singing, my whole body was filled with the feeling of praise.  I felt joy, I felt thanksgiving, I felt triumph.

Have you ever heard or sung Ralph Manuel's Alleluia?  My older sister Lindsay loved this song.  When she was a junior in high school, she loved singing it in the concert choir.  I always laughed when she would get giddy about a new song they were singing in choir and she would try to tell me how it went. As she would sing to me the often un-melodious alto line I would furl my eyebrows and say, "yeah, I guess I'll have to hear it when it has the melody, huh?"  I remember watching her in the musical "Bye Bye Birdie" and thinking, "hey, all those little snippets  I've been hearing her sing in the shower actually sound like songs now that the alto line is put into context!"  What a voice she had, though.   And what a heart. 

After Lindsay passed away in an unexpected car accident in 1997, we considered many songs as potential musical numbers at her funeral.  One of the ones we chose, was Ralph Manuel's Alleluia.  The whole high school concert choir, one beautiful alto short, filled the chapel with reverence, sorrow, joy, and triumph as they sang this incredible song.



(this is the University of Utah Singers singing it)





And now I get to join with some great friends and sing it too!  Well, maybe I'll actually be singing.  I might just be crying.  Mostly for joy.   :)

I'm amazed that this piece has only one word, and yet captures such a palette of human emotions.

So I say, "All hail to Him who is."

to Him who overcame death, and made it possible for us to be with our loved ones again.
to Him  who gave us flowers and springtime and families and songs.
to Him who lets us suffer, but who comforts us, teaches us, and heals our hearts as we go.
to Him who, as Isaiah prophesied, "will swallow up death in victory; and...will wipe away tears from off all faces."

Alleluia.

I can't help but think right now, of Lindsay's scriptures.  After she died, I treasured the notes she made in her margins and getting to read the verses she marked in a particular way.  I have found joy and comfort many times in this scripture, which she had underlined:

Mosiah 2:28
"...when I am about to go down to my grave, that I might go down in peace, and my immortal spirit may join the choirs above in singing the praises of a just God."

I love that image.  I love the little smiley face she drew in her scriptures by that verse. I love picturing the smiley face she must actually have on her face now.  And I love that my immortal spirit, and mortal voice can, even now, sing the praises of a just God. 

Love you, Linds!

What I learned from the fish.

A few weeks ago, I was reading a friend's blog, about her incredible experiences during a semester abroad in Jerusalem.  She's inspiring and magnificent. Something that really stuck with me was what her friend, Basaam, taught her one day.

"He reminded me of a truth that I have forgotten, and that is that the older we get the faster the hours, days and months seem to go, only because we grow accustomed to everything around us. As a child, time seems to be drawn out because every second, every breath and glance, are filled with newness and discovery. The key to a long, successful life does not hinge on the number of years we are walking on this earth but rather to the state of curiosity and constant learning in which we walk day to day."

"Wow," I thought.  "That is so neat! Curiosity and constant learning, yeah!"
But then I misapplied the truth of it.  I turned inward and found myself wishing that I, like her, were writing in my journal in places where Jesus actually walked , picking olives off of real olive trees and making olive oil,  and taking classes like "Biblical Hebrew."   I started to long for my life as a student where I felt like I was constantly curious and constantly learning, rather than my life now, which is sometimes a Groundhog Dayish hamster wheel of mundane cooking and cleaning.  I chose to look around and look back, instead of look up, and it was gnawing on me and pulling me down.

And then, we went to the zoo.  We just took a little trip to the zoo to get out of the house and look at the indoor fish aquariums and pet the sharks. As we were looking at all the different kinds of fish, it dawned on me the vastness of the creations in the world and how much there is to learn about everything around us, all the time.   We started chatting with the worker in the shark-petting room and Ethan was asking her some questions, and she was encouraging his curiosity and asking him questions back.  We picked her brain for about a half hour and walked back to the big aquarium:
"What is that one called?"  "How come those eels don't eat the other fish?  How many fish do the dolphins eat every day?  How do you get all those fish?  Where do you keep them?"

It was so fun to be curious and to be learning! Duh, Em, you don't have to go to Jerusalem and make olive oil.  This is it, right here!  You can learn about fish.  And, you are learning so much every day!  You are learning to be selfless, you are learning to be kind, you are learning to love, you are learning to take simple joys in the God's creations, you are learning to care for a family, to deal with tantrums at the grocery store, to keep the attention of 6 preschoolers, to throw 5 year-old birthday parties...  You ARE constantly learning!

On the way to the zoo I felt tired of winter, tired of being "stuck" at home with two little kids, tired of so many responsibilities, and well, just tired. On the way home, I felt energized and excited about life and a teensy little bit smarter about one little thing out of millions that there are to learn.  I felt renewed in my perspective that motherhood is a privilege, and that getting to be around my kids all the time gives me such an awesome example of constant curiosity and love for learning.

So that was my epiphany at the zoo.  It's been fun since then to make a habit of asking a million questions wherever we go--I've learned things I never knew before about dinosaurs, fire trucks, and well, life itself.

Look Up.  Find the Joy.   
(not  "Look around.  Wish you were somewhere else."  ha ha)

Em

Scriptural Conversation Hearts

When I was in college, a friend in choir asked me on February 13th (partly kidding):
"So, are you going to dress in all black tomorrow for Single Awareness Day?"

I whipped around with a look of disbelief, and replied:
"No, I am not.  I'm going to wear as much red and pink as I possibly can, and walk around giving out chocolates and valentines to everyone I see. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK VALENTINE'S DAY IS ONLY CELEBRAT-ABLE IF YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE?!?!  Ugh."

He thought my response was endearing, and decided to join me in my craziness.  We raided Wal-Mart and each bought a "love bucket" to carry around our Back Street Boys Valentine's and chocolate hearts and pass them out to whoever we saw. We covered the chocolate hearts with foil and wrote on them with a red sharpie so that instead of "Be Mine,"  "Call Me," or "4 Ever," our hearts said "Suffereth Long,"  "Is Not Easily Provoked," and "Seeketh Not Her Own."  Oh, that was such a fun day.

I've toned down a bit since then (either I've gotten more mature or I've just become a fud, I'm not sure which), but I still really feel like Valentine's Day can be about a lot more than romantic love.

So, as you consider what to "give" the people you love for Valentine's Day (or any other day!) don't forget about the gift of true, Christ-like love. 

Here are a few thoughts:

Give someone the gift of "suffering long" with them.  Rather than being impatient, critical, or silent, choose to be supportive and understanding, not just with your words but with your THOUGHTS.

You can give the gift of not being easily provoked.  Rather than arguing over every little thing, keeping a tally of tit for tat, or getting defensive about things, choose to be calm, respectful, and gentle.

You can give the gift of being someone who "believeth all things."  I feel so great around people who believe in me, who believe in miracles, who believe in something bigger than themselves, and who believe in the power of love.  I view it as a gift they give to me when they choose to approach life in this way.

Well, I personally would choose these gifts things over chocolate or flowers any day. :)  You?


There's plenty more where that came from!  Here's an article I read in 2000 that has a really cool chart that details out each attribute of charity and ways that you can live each one, as well as obvious and not so obvious ways that we can know we're NOT living them.  I have a photocopy of the original article and I review the chart every few months just to see how I'm doing at learning to love the way God loves.
 Agency and Love in Marriage


Wouldn't it be awesome if conversation hearts really said, "Suffereth Long?" 
Well, if I ever decide to market scriptural conversation hearts (ha!) I will probably leave out, "Is Not Puffed Up."  I don't think girls would like to read that as they pop sugar into their mouths...

You can now leave comments on this blog! What a novel idea!

So one of my friends just told me today that he had tried to leave a comment on my blog but it didn't work.

"Hmmm," I thought.  "That's odd." 

So I went into my permissions and realized that I had not checked the right box, and so it was set-up so that nobody could leave comments.

Ha!  Great idea, Em.  Send a message out to your facebook friends and tell them to come check out your new blog but block them from being able to make any comments.  Call it a "Living Room" and tell people you want their insights, but then just deny them when they try to share.  Awesome.

Right now I kinda feel like when you are in the middle of telling someone something really important over the phone, and you realize they haven't said anything for awhile and so you say, "are you still there?..... Hello?...."

Silence.   You look at your phone and see the welcome screen.

And then you think,  "Good grief.  How long have I been talking to myself??!?!?!?!"

This is hilarious.  

Well, I think I have now successfully fixed the problem.  So you are now free to move about the cabin.  And leave a comment.  :)