What I learned from the fish.

A few weeks ago, I was reading a friend's blog, about her incredible experiences during a semester abroad in Jerusalem.  She's inspiring and magnificent. Something that really stuck with me was what her friend, Basaam, taught her one day.

"He reminded me of a truth that I have forgotten, and that is that the older we get the faster the hours, days and months seem to go, only because we grow accustomed to everything around us. As a child, time seems to be drawn out because every second, every breath and glance, are filled with newness and discovery. The key to a long, successful life does not hinge on the number of years we are walking on this earth but rather to the state of curiosity and constant learning in which we walk day to day."

"Wow," I thought.  "That is so neat! Curiosity and constant learning, yeah!"
But then I misapplied the truth of it.  I turned inward and found myself wishing that I, like her, were writing in my journal in places where Jesus actually walked , picking olives off of real olive trees and making olive oil,  and taking classes like "Biblical Hebrew."   I started to long for my life as a student where I felt like I was constantly curious and constantly learning, rather than my life now, which is sometimes a Groundhog Dayish hamster wheel of mundane cooking and cleaning.  I chose to look around and look back, instead of look up, and it was gnawing on me and pulling me down.

And then, we went to the zoo.  We just took a little trip to the zoo to get out of the house and look at the indoor fish aquariums and pet the sharks. As we were looking at all the different kinds of fish, it dawned on me the vastness of the creations in the world and how much there is to learn about everything around us, all the time.   We started chatting with the worker in the shark-petting room and Ethan was asking her some questions, and she was encouraging his curiosity and asking him questions back.  We picked her brain for about a half hour and walked back to the big aquarium:
"What is that one called?"  "How come those eels don't eat the other fish?  How many fish do the dolphins eat every day?  How do you get all those fish?  Where do you keep them?"

It was so fun to be curious and to be learning! Duh, Em, you don't have to go to Jerusalem and make olive oil.  This is it, right here!  You can learn about fish.  And, you are learning so much every day!  You are learning to be selfless, you are learning to be kind, you are learning to love, you are learning to take simple joys in the God's creations, you are learning to care for a family, to deal with tantrums at the grocery store, to keep the attention of 6 preschoolers, to throw 5 year-old birthday parties...  You ARE constantly learning!

On the way to the zoo I felt tired of winter, tired of being "stuck" at home with two little kids, tired of so many responsibilities, and well, just tired. On the way home, I felt energized and excited about life and a teensy little bit smarter about one little thing out of millions that there are to learn.  I felt renewed in my perspective that motherhood is a privilege, and that getting to be around my kids all the time gives me such an awesome example of constant curiosity and love for learning.

So that was my epiphany at the zoo.  It's been fun since then to make a habit of asking a million questions wherever we go--I've learned things I never knew before about dinosaurs, fire trucks, and well, life itself.

Look Up.  Find the Joy.   
(not  "Look around.  Wish you were somewhere else."  ha ha)

Em

Scriptural Conversation Hearts

When I was in college, a friend in choir asked me on February 13th (partly kidding):
"So, are you going to dress in all black tomorrow for Single Awareness Day?"

I whipped around with a look of disbelief, and replied:
"No, I am not.  I'm going to wear as much red and pink as I possibly can, and walk around giving out chocolates and valentines to everyone I see. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK VALENTINE'S DAY IS ONLY CELEBRAT-ABLE IF YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE?!?!  Ugh."

He thought my response was endearing, and decided to join me in my craziness.  We raided Wal-Mart and each bought a "love bucket" to carry around our Back Street Boys Valentine's and chocolate hearts and pass them out to whoever we saw. We covered the chocolate hearts with foil and wrote on them with a red sharpie so that instead of "Be Mine,"  "Call Me," or "4 Ever," our hearts said "Suffereth Long,"  "Is Not Easily Provoked," and "Seeketh Not Her Own."  Oh, that was such a fun day.

I've toned down a bit since then (either I've gotten more mature or I've just become a fud, I'm not sure which), but I still really feel like Valentine's Day can be about a lot more than romantic love.

So, as you consider what to "give" the people you love for Valentine's Day (or any other day!) don't forget about the gift of true, Christ-like love. 

Here are a few thoughts:

Give someone the gift of "suffering long" with them.  Rather than being impatient, critical, or silent, choose to be supportive and understanding, not just with your words but with your THOUGHTS.

You can give the gift of not being easily provoked.  Rather than arguing over every little thing, keeping a tally of tit for tat, or getting defensive about things, choose to be calm, respectful, and gentle.

You can give the gift of being someone who "believeth all things."  I feel so great around people who believe in me, who believe in miracles, who believe in something bigger than themselves, and who believe in the power of love.  I view it as a gift they give to me when they choose to approach life in this way.

Well, I personally would choose these gifts things over chocolate or flowers any day. :)  You?


There's plenty more where that came from!  Here's an article I read in 2000 that has a really cool chart that details out each attribute of charity and ways that you can live each one, as well as obvious and not so obvious ways that we can know we're NOT living them.  I have a photocopy of the original article and I review the chart every few months just to see how I'm doing at learning to love the way God loves.
 Agency and Love in Marriage


Wouldn't it be awesome if conversation hearts really said, "Suffereth Long?" 
Well, if I ever decide to market scriptural conversation hearts (ha!) I will probably leave out, "Is Not Puffed Up."  I don't think girls would like to read that as they pop sugar into their mouths...

You can now leave comments on this blog! What a novel idea!

So one of my friends just told me today that he had tried to leave a comment on my blog but it didn't work.

"Hmmm," I thought.  "That's odd." 

So I went into my permissions and realized that I had not checked the right box, and so it was set-up so that nobody could leave comments.

Ha!  Great idea, Em.  Send a message out to your facebook friends and tell them to come check out your new blog but block them from being able to make any comments.  Call it a "Living Room" and tell people you want their insights, but then just deny them when they try to share.  Awesome.

Right now I kinda feel like when you are in the middle of telling someone something really important over the phone, and you realize they haven't said anything for awhile and so you say, "are you still there?..... Hello?...."

Silence.   You look at your phone and see the welcome screen.

And then you think,  "Good grief.  How long have I been talking to myself??!?!?!?!"

This is hilarious.  

Well, I think I have now successfully fixed the problem.  So you are now free to move about the cabin.  And leave a comment.  :)

When joy comes out your eyes.

Okay, confession.

I cry in the car when I listen to music.  I do.
Sometimes I cry because the song is sad.
Sometimes I cry because the song is so beautiful.
Sometimes I cry because the song is so AWESOME.

Basically, when I hear truth, it resonates with my soul, and it comes out my eyes.  :)

Today, I cried while listening to "100 Sing-Along Songs for Kids." 

Yep, true story.  But don't worry, it wasn't "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," or "BINGO," it was a jazzy little Christian song called "I Shall Not Be Moved."

Rockin' out a little, and watching my boys in the rearview mirror, as they focused rather intently on learning the words and being able to sing them just right, it hit me:

"What if they really could learn this?  This is what I want for them.  And they're singing it right now!!"

When my burden's heavy, I shall not be moved.  When my burden's heavy I shall not be moved...
If my friends forsake me, I shall not be moved.  When my friends forsake me I shall not be moved...
Just like the tree planted by the water, I shall not be moved.

I thought, "Yeah, I wanna be like that tree planted by the water!  And I want my boys to be like it too!  And man, what would the world be like if every one of us decided to ground ourselves in truth and not be moved, no matter what?!"

And those thoughts, combined with the rearview mirror snapshot of little legs and heads bopping, well it tugged at my heart and the whole thing came out my eyes.  And I felt joy.   :)


Here's a link to the sample of the song if you want to hear it...
Let me know if it makes you cry. Ha ha.

Look Up.

Well, I've thought a lot over the past few years about who I am as a person, who I am as a songwriter, who I am as a singer, why I've undertaken this whole musical adventure, and what I really hope to be able to say to the world through my music.

I'm still formulating this, but I think I might have a mantra for life--for how to find God, and thus find JOY.

LOOK UP.

Someday this will turn into a song, but here's my preliminary brainstorm about it:
  
When God gives me sunsets, friends, ideas, innocent little eyes, or quiet moments, I can look up to Him and say "thanks."  I'm so much happier when I'm grateful!

When things go wrong, when I'm confused, when I'm scared, when there are too many voices and I can't figure out which one is right... I can spin myself into a frenzy looking around, or I can just look up, and ask Him for peace.  

When I look down too much, at myself and at my own problems, I feel grumpy and ugly and friendless and inadequate.  When I look up, God helps me look around and see people all over the place who could use a smile or a hug or a kind word.  I feel happier when I look up.

When we overvalue earthly things--power, fame, material possessions, etc. it makes us look down and lose focus on what really matters and what will really bring us joy.  Looking down on fleeting, earthly things, fill us with darkness.  But if we look up, focus on things that last forever, and keep our eye single to His glory, we will be" filled with LIGHT."

It's easy to look around, and play the comparison game.  I feel yucky and prideful if I label myself as "more organized" or "more healthy" than so and so, and I feel insecure and defensive if I label someone else as "prettier" or "smarter" than I am, so it's pretty much a losing battle either way.   Don't look around to find your worth.  Look up. Zion is where everyone looks up to God and tries to be like HIM, instead of everyone looking around and somehow grading their eternal progress on a curve.

I think looking up means learning to see God in the details of our lives.  Seeing a brand new flower.  Hearing a child giggle.  Dealing with a whiny 4 year-old and understanding that I have acted this way toward God so many times.  Every little experience can teach us something new about God if we just look up.


Regret looks back.  Worry looks around.  Faith looks up. 

Like I said, preliminary thoughts.  But I'm going to keep pondering this. 

What do you think it means to Look Up?

New Year De-Cluttering and Moses 1:35

Happy New Year!


We cracked down today and combed out over 6 garbage bags worth of stuff to take to Good Will. It feels great to simplify and just get rid of things sometimes, doesn't it? We will be moving once Kyle finishes dental school in May, so we decided to get ruthless about throwing things away. "If it's not worth storing it now, finding a box for it in a few months, filling that box, getting that box on a truck, hauling that box across the country, getting that box off the truck, unloading that box, and finding a new place for that item--then let's get rid of it now."



I am amazed at how much stuff you can accumulate in a lifetime! You think, "where did all this stuff even COME from?!" Yet, I can choose any item out of millions in my house and I can tell you why we have it and how we got it.

1. Little black socks: My son and I both got tired of trying to inch on his tight Sunday socks, so we bought some slippery dressy ones. He can get them on all by himself! I planned the purchase, went to the store, put them in my cart, paid for them, got them home, took off the tag, washed them, and found a place to keep them.

2. Fondue Pot: Lovely Christmas present from my husband. Came with a recipe book and 8 fondue forks. Filled it on New Year's Eve with a fabulous cheese fondue. (What do you get when you combine 2 incredibly nasty smelling cheeses with one normal cheese, some cornstarch, and some white grape juice? A delicious dip for bread and veggies!)

3. Old, broken laptop: Got as a high school graduation present from my parents. Used it through college, and it has been sitting in my closet for 3 years since it crashed. (Learned today that a friend can take it to his work and wipe the hard drive for us so we don't have to worry about a hacker getting it out of the dumpster and stealing our identity)

And of course, the list goes on forever. I have shirts, shoes, toys, appliances, books, jewelry, cleaning supplies, etc. And I can tell you exactly how and why (well usually) I have it in my house.


So, what does that have to do with Moses 1:35? Well, I was reading tonight about Moses and how God shows him "the world..and all the children of men which are, and which were created." I can't even fathom how many people that is. I can't even get my head around how many people live in one city, no less an entire country, a whole world, and then all that were and will ever be born. How can God know me personally if there are more than billions of others? How can He care about me, and be involved in the details of my life, when I am one grain of sand on the beach?

That's why I love verse 35: "And there are many [worlds] that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

They are mine, and I know them. I understand that! I have innumerable amounts of stuff even just in my house, but all the things I have are mine, and I know them. I know the purpose of each item, and I took great care to purchase it for a unique reason so it could enrich our lives, help us accomplish things, and bring us joy. My son could never keep track of everything in our home and know where it goes and how much it costs or understand why we have it or what it's used for. (He can barely keep track of his 15 ninja turtle action figures!) So as I multiplied that all out,in the equation where I'm the little kid and God is the parent, I started to grasp a little bit more fully how it could be possible for God's creations to be innumerable to man, but for him to say, "all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

That was a neat thought for me. And the coolest part about it is that we're not just socks, or fondue pots, or old computers to the Lord. Each of us is his CHILD. We're not just a rusty old knick knack in a storage bin somewhere in his closet. We are his CHILDREN!
So many things come into clearer focus when we remember that. Of course I know my sons' names. Of course I know what that they need. Of course I know how they learn the best, and I care what they struggle with, and how to help them. And of course I don't do everything for them just because I can, because I want them to learn how to do it for themselves.
So that means that my Heavenly Father knows me by name, He knows what I need, He knows how I learn the best, He knows what I struggle with, and He is constantly devising creative ways to help me learn new things. So I can learn how to be like Him.

"All things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

He knows me. He knows you too. :)

The Best Kind of Love: My Take on Agape

The Best Kind of Love

It’s hearing with your heart, and seeing with your ears
It’s erasing, instead of keeping score
It’s letting go of “me,” and trading it for “us”
It’s giving everything you have, and then somehow giving MORE…
And it's harder than you ever thought it would be
And it’s better than you ever knew it could be

And that’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love
That’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love

It’s doing little things, over and over and again
It’s choosing to not have other plans
It’s saying what you mean, and meaning what you said,
It’s knowing all of us could use a second or third chance
And it's harder than you ever thought it would be
And it’s better than you ever knew it could be

And that’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love
That’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love

That’s the truth about the best kind of love.
-Em 1/22/09




Have you ever felt like the English language needed more words for "love?" Love has so many different levels and meanings that how can you possibly describe love for your neighbor, love for your dog, love for fruit smoothies, and love for your spouse all with the same word?

The Greek language actually distinguishes between different kinds of love, by using different words.

In a nutshell,
1. "Eros" is what we might call infatuation or attraction, and its existence depends on how you feel at the moment.
2. "Philia" (like Philadelphia, city of brotherly love) is the word for love of friendship, best friends, or fellowship of people you enjoy being around.
3. "Agape" (pronounced uh-GAH-pay) is the highest form of love--a selfless, proactive love, focused totally on the well-being of another. This kind of love is based on commitment, not just on how you happen to feel at the time. Agape means you choose to love, no matter how you are being treated and regardless of whether you are experiencing exciting feelings of "Eros" in that particular moment.

These different kinds of love are not separate from each other--in fact, a successful marriage is rooted in agape, which allows both Philia and Eros to thrive. Interesting to think about.

For more info on all this try these:
A Short Handbook on Love
(A very succinct description of all three kinds)
The Four Loves
(A Summary of C.S. Lewis's book, The Four Loves)
Agape
(A Wikipedia article about just agape)


So which word do you think was used in the Greek version of the Bible when Jesus taught us to love one another?
Eros? Um, no.
Philia? Huh-uh.
Agape!

Now let these scriptures take on a new dimension as you extend the meaning of the broad word "love" to mean "agape."

Matthew 22:37-40: "'Thou shalt love (agape) the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love (agape) thy neighbor as thyself."
(Everything about the gospel hangs on this, on agape!)

John 13:35: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love (agape!) one to another.
(I think this is so much bigger than just being nice to other people...the mark of a disciple isn't Eros, and it's not Philia...it's a deeper, more selfless, more solid kind of love.)

John 3:16: "God so loved (agape!) the world that He gave His only Begotten Son..."
(The ultimate example of sacrfice. The very highest form of love)

John 14:15: "If ye love (agape) me, keep my commandments."
(Keeping the commandments requires us to commit, ahead of time, to obey. Even if we don't think we want to in the moment, we keep our promise to obey because we love Him in an agape way)

Ephesians 5:29: Husbands, love (agape) your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."
(This level of sacrifice and selflessness is a different KIND of love than what we usually see in movies, isn't it?)


So why doesn't English have an agape word? Well, we kind of do. Think Paul, think Moroni...

That's right...Charity!

Moroni 7:45: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, hopeth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things."

This is the essence of agape!

So, this song is called "The Best Kind of Love."
I guess it could also be called:
"Em's Rewording of Moroni 7:45"
or "What Em thinks agape really means"


Now that you know this, go listen to it again!
(Or download it now on itunes or Amazon)



And, here are a few other thoughts that contributed to the writing of this song:

I read Bruce Hafen's book called "Covenant Hearts" a few years ago and it changed my life. So many incredible insights. Here are a few of my favorite passages:

"There is a deep connection between the hard things of life and the best things of life."

"A shallow desire for comfort deprives people of paying the price to feel true JOY...
Joy is a higher, wiser, existence than merely being comfortable."

"The raising of children brings each of us breathtaking vistas of our own inadequacy."

He explores the question of whether our covenants (specifically to spouse and children) are a burden or a privilege and ultimately answers: YES. "The burden is the price we pay for the privilege of coming to know God."


Alright, then. I've done all the talking. Your turn! What do you think about all this agape stuff?

(this is where you post a comment and we pretend we're chatting in my living room...)