The Best Kind of Love: My Take on Agape

The Best Kind of Love

It’s hearing with your heart, and seeing with your ears
It’s erasing, instead of keeping score
It’s letting go of “me,” and trading it for “us”
It’s giving everything you have, and then somehow giving MORE…
And it's harder than you ever thought it would be
And it’s better than you ever knew it could be

And that’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love
That’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love

It’s doing little things, over and over and again
It’s choosing to not have other plans
It’s saying what you mean, and meaning what you said,
It’s knowing all of us could use a second or third chance
And it's harder than you ever thought it would be
And it’s better than you ever knew it could be

And that’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love
That’s the truth about Love, Love, Love
The best kind of Love, Love, Love

That’s the truth about the best kind of love.
-Em 1/22/09




Have you ever felt like the English language needed more words for "love?" Love has so many different levels and meanings that how can you possibly describe love for your neighbor, love for your dog, love for fruit smoothies, and love for your spouse all with the same word?

The Greek language actually distinguishes between different kinds of love, by using different words.

In a nutshell,
1. "Eros" is what we might call infatuation or attraction, and its existence depends on how you feel at the moment.
2. "Philia" (like Philadelphia, city of brotherly love) is the word for love of friendship, best friends, or fellowship of people you enjoy being around.
3. "Agape" (pronounced uh-GAH-pay) is the highest form of love--a selfless, proactive love, focused totally on the well-being of another. This kind of love is based on commitment, not just on how you happen to feel at the time. Agape means you choose to love, no matter how you are being treated and regardless of whether you are experiencing exciting feelings of "Eros" in that particular moment.

These different kinds of love are not separate from each other--in fact, a successful marriage is rooted in agape, which allows both Philia and Eros to thrive. Interesting to think about.

For more info on all this try these:
A Short Handbook on Love
(A very succinct description of all three kinds)
The Four Loves
(A Summary of C.S. Lewis's book, The Four Loves)
Agape
(A Wikipedia article about just agape)


So which word do you think was used in the Greek version of the Bible when Jesus taught us to love one another?
Eros? Um, no.
Philia? Huh-uh.
Agape!

Now let these scriptures take on a new dimension as you extend the meaning of the broad word "love" to mean "agape."

Matthew 22:37-40: "'Thou shalt love (agape) the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love (agape) thy neighbor as thyself."
(Everything about the gospel hangs on this, on agape!)

John 13:35: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love (agape!) one to another.
(I think this is so much bigger than just being nice to other people...the mark of a disciple isn't Eros, and it's not Philia...it's a deeper, more selfless, more solid kind of love.)

John 3:16: "God so loved (agape!) the world that He gave His only Begotten Son..."
(The ultimate example of sacrfice. The very highest form of love)

John 14:15: "If ye love (agape) me, keep my commandments."
(Keeping the commandments requires us to commit, ahead of time, to obey. Even if we don't think we want to in the moment, we keep our promise to obey because we love Him in an agape way)

Ephesians 5:29: Husbands, love (agape) your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."
(This level of sacrifice and selflessness is a different KIND of love than what we usually see in movies, isn't it?)


So why doesn't English have an agape word? Well, we kind of do. Think Paul, think Moroni...

That's right...Charity!

Moroni 7:45: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, hopeth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things."

This is the essence of agape!

So, this song is called "The Best Kind of Love."
I guess it could also be called:
"Em's Rewording of Moroni 7:45"
or "What Em thinks agape really means"


Now that you know this, go listen to it again!
(Or download it now on itunes or Amazon)



And, here are a few other thoughts that contributed to the writing of this song:

I read Bruce Hafen's book called "Covenant Hearts" a few years ago and it changed my life. So many incredible insights. Here are a few of my favorite passages:

"There is a deep connection between the hard things of life and the best things of life."

"A shallow desire for comfort deprives people of paying the price to feel true JOY...
Joy is a higher, wiser, existence than merely being comfortable."

"The raising of children brings each of us breathtaking vistas of our own inadequacy."

He explores the question of whether our covenants (specifically to spouse and children) are a burden or a privilege and ultimately answers: YES. "The burden is the price we pay for the privilege of coming to know God."


Alright, then. I've done all the talking. Your turn! What do you think about all this agape stuff?

(this is where you post a comment and we pretend we're chatting in my living room...)

Sweet Dreams: A Shout Out To All My Co-Writers...

Sweet Dreams

Sitting on the counter, little eyes dreaming bright
“I’m gonna be on Broadway, Mom! You’ll see my name in lights!”
And she lifted me so high that of course I couldn’t see
Sometimes mothers have to give up dreams.

Kneeling by the bedside, middle of the night
This is hardly Broadway, and I’m running out of light
Then not harsh, and not loud, just whispering all through me
“Sometimes mothers have to give up dreams.”

Peering in the bedroom, little eyes fast asleep
But I’m the one who’s dreaming, just to watch them breathe
And lullabies by nightlight are the only songs I need
Sometimes mothers have the sweetest dreams.

Sometimes mothers have the sweetest dreams.
-Em (and Zach!) 6/27/08



It's hard to think of what I wouldn't give up for these guys...

















To really give appropriate credit to everyone involved in the writing of this song, I would have to mention at least 5 other people, so here goes:

-Thanks, Jenny Philips, for saying "Sometimes mothers have to give up dreams" in a panel in a songwriting workshop. That set it all in motion.
-Thanks, Holle McRae, for sitting by me in that workshop, looking at my scribbled, tear-stained notes of the concept, and sharing with me your thoughts about Broadway lights vs. nightlights.
-Thanks, Zach, (my awesome brother) for staying up half the night with me to stand by the piano and say, "Okay, just play what you have so far," and helping me package what I was trying to say, and brainstorming with me what it feels like when the spirit talks to you until we came up with "whispering all through me" and helping me condense my thoughts into a song form. I will remember that forever.
-Thanks, Jake, (my cute little then 1 year-old!) for waking up when I went into my mom's computer room at 4 am to type up the lyrics, and for letting me hold you and just savor being with you, until the missing line, "lullabies by nightlight are the only songs I need" settled into my heart.
-Thanks, Mom, for waking up the next morning in your pajamas (that said Sweet Dreams on them!) and listening to the almost finished version of the song, crying, and then helping me come to "she lifted me so high that of course I couldn't see."

Sometimes songwriters have the coolest friends. :)

The Change: Singing With a New Voice

The Change

How with all I’ve seen can I keep making these mistakes?
And why with all I know do things keep turning out the same?
Every time I fall I come so close to giving up
So I just keep on trying harder--but will it ever be enough?
I keep trying to believe that I’ll get there someday but sometimes I just don’t know
I want to sing the song of redeeming love but I’ve forgotten how it goes…

I wanna feel the change
I don’t want to want to want sin anymore
And at that day I wanna look to Him
With clean hands and a heart that is pure
I wanna feel the change
I wanna sing with a new voice
He’ll you open my eyes and give me new sight
Make the dark disappear as I awake to the light
His grace will replace all my wrongs with what’s right
And I’ll start to walk in the newness of life…
And feel the change.

So I finally see what all my weaknesses have shown,
That I’ll never ever make it if I try to do this on my own,
Now on my knees I come to you with all I am,
And I’m begging you to mold me with those firm but loving hands.
I let go of my pride, surrender my will and put all my trust in you
I place my heart at your feet and my life in your hands…will you make me someone new?

I wanna feel the change
I don’t want to want to want sin anymore
And at that day I wanna look to You
With clean hands and a heart that is pure
I wanna feel the change
I wanna sing with a new voice
Will you open my eyes and give me new sight
Make the dark disappear as I awake to the light
Will you replace all my wrongs with what’s right
So I can start to walk in the newness of life…?
And feel the change.

-Em 12/1/01



I studied music in college. I had an incredible private voice teacher/mentor/choir director who taught me as much about life as he did about music. During one particular voice lesson, he mentioned to me that "some people come to me and say, 'I want to take lessons and learn how to sing' but they don't really want to sing with a new voice. They don't really want to give up their old habits and trade them for a new voice. They may want to be better, but they don't really want to CHANGE."
That turned into a fruitful discussion of both vocal and spiritual significance, as we discussed the importance of surrendering ourselves to the Lord and allowing him to not just make us better, but to CHANGE us.

As I learned to sing with a new voice in college, it required daily persistence.
I kept a journal where I recorded how I practiced, things I wanted to get better at, things that I struggled with, ideas from my classes that might help me, and techniques that really worked for my voice.
My voice lesson each week was an important opportunity to talk about my progress with my teacher and let him teach me more.
I enjoyed listening to fellow classmates perform and getting feedback from them about my own singing.
Joining my voice with other singers in a choir helped me to solidify the things I was learning about breath support and artistic expression.

I realized, during my college experience, that the process of learning to sing with a new voice really is a lot like spiritually learning to "walk in the newness of life." (Romans 8:4). It is a process that requires daily persistence.
Keeping a journal of goals and struggles helps me see where I've been and where I want to be.
When I pray and read the scriptures I'm checking in with the Master Teacher, showing him how I've progressed, and asking Him to teach me more.
We're all classmates in the school of life, and we can help each other learn to "sing" as we relate our experiences from different teachers and different classes and share what we've learned.
And, I think that going to church edifies us spiritually in the same way singing in choir strengthens us musically--you join with other people you love, to offer up your hearts to God. You don't all have the same strengths, you don't "sing" exactly the same way, but when you combine together there is a synergy that brings everyone involved to a higher level. Sometimes when I sit in church, I picture God standing in front of us, spiritually conducting our hearts, beckoning us to all follow him together. The more we focus on Him, and learn the way he communicates to us, and unify together, the more beautiful music He can create, with us as the instruments in His hands. (or sometimes, we can totally miss the point and just wrestle wriggly children, not focus on Him at all, and sing our own, off-key spiritual solo. I've totally done that!)


Anyway.


I did write the lyrics to this song, but most of the concepts came from "verses" that I didn't write. Thank you to Nephi, Alma, and Paul, for their contributions to the words. :)


2 Nephi 4:27--"Why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?"

v. 31--"O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?"

v. 34--"O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever."



Alma 5:7--"Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. "

v. 9--"...and their souls did expand, and they did sing redeeming love..."

v. 19--" I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with pure heart and clean hands?"


Romans 8:4--"Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."


So what's YOUR metaphor for this mighty change?

Simmering Song Ideas...

Okay, so if this really were my real living room I would want to brainstorm with you about the song ideas I have right now and see if some profound thing you say ends up being the perfect line for a new song. Plus, you'll probably teach me something really cool if you share something.

I'm working on a song right now called "Jericho." The point of it is that there is ALWAYS a way to get through even the hardest things. Whether you get sent a trumpet and a pair of shoes, or a slingshot and a little rock, there will always be a way to get over walls and defeat your giants. So I want to know:
What are some of the incredible things God has sent to you to make an unexpected solution to your problem? In other words, what are some of your "slingshots?" When you've looked up at what seems to be an insurmountable, looming challenge, what ended up being the thing that nailed it between the eyes?


I'm working on another song called "Savoring" (or maybe "Savoring today," or something like that)
I would love to know:
What do you savor most in life? What do you miss most about a past time of your life that you don't have right now? What do you do to help yourself live in today and not have too much focus on the past or on the future?


Well, maybe a song will be born from something you say, or maybe we'll just have a neat little uplifting discussion here in virtual livingroomdom. Either way, thanks for sharing! Can't wait to read what you say!

Love Em

So Why a Living Room?

Because, Living Rooms are where it all happens.

I would absolutely love to know how many hours I have spent in my parent’s living room at the grand piano—hours playing scales to that pesky metronome, hours playing duets with my sister, hours singing Broadway songs with my Dad, hours looking longingly out the window and then back to my practice timer, and hours gathered around the piano as a family practicing musical numbers or Christmas carols.

 That living room is where I wrote my first song.  And where I recorded it onto a cassette tape with a huge silver boom box.  And where I sang it for my family.  And friends.

I loved sharing songs with people I love and then just talking and talking about the meaning of life. 

There have been several times lately, where I will have someone over to practice a musical number (an accompanist, duet partner, or whoever) and after sharing great thoughts about the music and the meaning of life, we get off on various tangents, and as we lose track of time and it gets later and later, we hear a cell phone ring:

“Honey, are you still alive? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. We’re just, er…finishing up. I’ll be home soon.”

That’s what happens, I guess. You come into my living room and then you get sucked in. :)

When I’m with friends in my living room, we share music, and then we share thoughts and ideas and experiences, and sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry. Then we hug and they go home-- Well, first we stand up and keep talking for awhile. Then we get closer to the door and keep talking a little longer. Then we chat with the door open while we freeze, and keep saying we need to go to bed, but talk just a little bit more--and THEN they go home. And we feel happier for a few days because of what we learned together in my living room.

So, this is my virtual living room. Come on in and make yourself at home.

Stay for awhile and let's chat. (Actually let me just talk your ear off and never let you get a word in edgewise—but if you were actually in my real living room I promise I’d let you do half the talking!)

If you want me to play you a song, go download my album real quick and then come back and pretend that you are sitting in my living room, listening. (You can find it on itunes or Amazon)

You can ask questions, make comments, or share your ideas too! Enjoy your stay! Glad you came!

Recording the Album...

I've been writing songs for a long time (almost 12 years now?!), and sort of learning as I go how to do it better and exactly where I want to go with it all. So, this summer, I decided to take the next step and record some of my songs.

My first recording experience was actually in 2002, when my brother, Zach Pond, and I released an album called Turn Up the Quiet. Essentially, I sang back-up for several of his songs, and did one of my own ("The Change"). We had fun and learned a lot, and enjoyed giving several musical firesides together.

So six years, one husband and two kids later, I decided to branch off of the brother/sister combo act and release a solo album. I recorded 5 songs, (sort of the "acoustic version," with just piano and voice), and then included "The Change" from Turn Up the Quiet. I released this 6-song album on Positive Music and Downloads. Then, I decided to include the songs from Turn Up the Quiet where I sang, and turn it into a 9-song album for the itunes release. Both Emily Pond Ricks and Turn Up the Quiet are available on itunes and amazon.com. Be advised that there is some overlap of songs between the two. Get it? Got it. Good.


Anyway, what I really wanted to do was give you a little behind the scenes tour of my recording experience this summer. It was so much fun!

This is the control room at Counterpoint Studios in Salt Lake City. (We didn't use half of all the fancy buttons for just piano and voice, but it was still neat to be in a real studio!)




And this is the room where I played and sang.



My engineer, Terence, was a kick.


It was unusual for me to have someone around who didn't want to advise or coach or critique my singing. Too many years of piano and voice lessons, I guess. He would just say, "Are you happy with it? Do you want to do it again?" Partway through I realized that it's his JOB is to make me happy and do whatever I ask him to--and so he was being very encouraging and deferential but part of me was like, Hey! I need someone to say, "No Em--you need to redo that last chorus. You can do better than that.'"Or, "Why don't you try backing off a little bit at the end there?'" It was fun to be the captain of the ship but also a little scary to feel like my (inexperienced) word was the final word!


So, first I recorded the piano part to each song. In the headphones you can hear yourself play, communicate with the engineer, and there is also a "click track" which gives you the tempo (A little reminiscent of all those hours of piano practice with the metronome, but quite a bit more fun). That way, if you mess up on a certain part, you can just patch in and re-do that one part and guarantee that you will start and end in the right place. I remember recording songs for my friends in high school into a clunky boom box and having to re-record the entire song if I messed up once--or if the phone rang, or the door shut, or whatever. This was a welcome change!



Then, I would come into the control room and Terence would play it through the big speakers on the wall and I would decide if we needed to make any changes.



Recording the piano was fun, but it took a lot of effort and concentration. I was sweating by the end of a few parts (like the piano jam break in "The Best Kind of Love"), and feeling pressure to "get it right."

But then, after we got the piano in, I got to sing. I got to close my eyes, breathe in the whole experience, and sing. That mic was incredible! Oooh, it was so nice. So clear. So intimate. And I could hear myself, real-time, while I was singing and I was just enveloped in the sound while it was happening. Seriously, it was better than chocolate cake. Or custard filled doughnuts. Or even cinnamon rolls. (And not just because it had no adverse effects on my blood sugar. )


Kind of a cool angle...


And, here is me totally rockin' out. Too much fun!!!


Anyway, the hours of singing went by way too fast. And while it was happening, it was kind of like when you are watching a perfect sunset, or when you are snuggling a little boy in footy pajamas, or when you are having an awesome chat with a great friend--you never want it to end, but you know it will, so you savor it, imprint it forever in your mind, and you look up and tell God "thank you" for how great life is sometimes.

I had a cool little epiphany during the recording process. It was really liberating to be able to"mess-up" on one part and then just go back and fix it. If I didn't like the way I sang a certain word, or if I breathed too loud, or if I was a little bit flat, we could just go back and re-do that part and then blend that together with the rest of the song. Terence (the engineer) was really patient and would go back as many times as we needed to until I felt good about it. It struck me that all of the old takes are now lost in recording cyberspace and nobody but me and the engineer will ever even know that they happened. They don't matter at all. The best takes are the ones that are permanent, and the rest are history.

So I know that in life, what's done is done. I mean, you can't go back and un-say something hurtful you said, and you can't go back and just re-do that time when you were too selfish to see what someone else needed--but in another way, I think the atonement DOES do that for us. When we don't like the way we handled something, or when we don't feel like we did our best, I think God looks through the control room window at us and says, "okay, would you like to try it again?" And the next day or the next week or the next month we get to do it better. And better.
As long as I'm trying, no matter how many "bad takes" I accumulate, the very best take will trump them all. I think that's what grace is.

Thinking of life this way also made me want to be a good engineer to people around me and just say, "Oh, it's no big deal. We can do another take." As I was formulating these ideas, I was in the middle of re-recording the line in "The Best Kind of Love" that says, "It's knowing all of us could use a second or third chance..." So that was pretty neat.


Okay, well that's the story of the recording adventure.
I hope you enjoy the songs!